When things go all wrong

I thought I'd never write about the "bad", because I enjoy reading the "good" so much more, and I love the fact that I can choose what I want to include here. Today wasn't a great day. I have yet to decide if it was my fault or the kids' fault, but there was a lot of yelling! We had a slow start...we didn't even start school until noon. We all slept late....the kids slept until almost 10:00, which makes me feel like a bit of a failure. I was doing so well for awhile, setting the alarm and getting up for a walk. But, the cold weather and the sore throats came, and eventually we turned the alarm off. Now, we are back to what seems to be our old routine. No activity, which leads to a lot of penned up energy for all of us. I felt like nobody was efficient today. Nobody seemed to understand what it is we do in a schoolday. I was beyond frustrated. By the time we actually started school, my patience was gone. I did my best to hold that all in, which made me feel even worse. Somehow, it all got done.
Tonight after dinner, Greta had a meltdown. She has come into an age (I think it's the age) where she must disagree with me about EVERYTHING. And, since she never stops talking, she never hears anything anybody else says. We had a huge blowout tonight. She was screaming at me, which I had no tolerance for, and before I knew it, I was screaming at her and taking away all of her 'hockey privileges' for the evening.....which was the last straw for her. She cried so hard I thought she would throw up. She screamed that life was just not fair for her. (And David was in the background ferociously sticking up for his sister, which didn't help matters one bit). We don't take time to play games with her, we don't take time to do ANYTHING she wants to do. I guess this behavior is coming from somewhere deeper than I thought. The problem is....she is right. It seems that if there is ever a moment when I sit down for just a minute or two, she's right there saying "can we play a game?" "can you measure me for goalie pads, now?" etc., etc., etc.....and I ineventably say "PLEASE just give me 5 minutes alone in silence." She's had enough of that, apparently and is feeling like the only thing I don't make time for is 'fun with her.' Her love language is definitely 'quality time.'
It sounds like I need to take some inventory of how I'm spending my time and somehow fit this in. It's so important for us to have a good relationship. I need to show her that I care and I am here for her. All the other 'stuff' that I do in a day won't matter so much in the long run.

Blogging a routine

I started out this whole blogging thing with a 'bang'! I wanted to get all my thoughts for the year written down, mainly for my children who may want to know what I was thinking about during this time, and I (with my short memory) won't remember the details. I felt like I had things to talk about. But, I don't now! Now, I remember why I stopped blogging! It's the routine. Routine, routine, routine. I feel like our life is anything but routine, but to us....it's just the everyday. We are overdone, overbooked (just like everyone else). All of the 'things' that fill our day are good things, but they tug at my precious school hours. I love it when we have a day without distraction. Nowhere to run to. No lessons, no field trips, no bookclubs of playdates. Just us, learning together. I love our routine when we have it. I want to get back to it. Not this week, though.....too many distraction. But, for now, it's more of the same. I must say though...I love homeschooling this year (so far) more than I ever have. It's just the 'routine' part that we struggle with!

Building Confidence.....another work in progress

David has always appeared to be a pretty confident kid. Actually, in most situations, he is. But, through the years we have found that he is most confident in situations that he is very familiar and comfortable with (as we all are), and sort of 'comes undone/disconnects' in situations where he is not so sure he will succeed. Tonight was the beginning of hockey tryouts. We have been sort of looking forward to tryouts because David has blossomed so much this year....it's been amazing. He no longer goes out on the ice and 'stands around' while another kid makes a great play. This year, it's HIM grabbing the puck and speeding down the ice for a goal. His confidence has soared, and it's just what he needed. As a parent who always KNEW he could do it, it's made my heart swell to watch him start believing in himself.
Tryouts.....very controversial....at least to me. Honestly, I guess if I'm the only one who is struggling with it, maybe it wouldn't be considered controversial at all! I just think that having the pressure of tryouts at the age of 10 is completely insane......oh, by the way...this is his THIRD year of tryouts...he started when he was 8. (Greta will be trying out for the first time this year, and she is 8). These coaches have worked with these kids for 6 weeks...they know where their skills lie, and yet...they make them suffer through tryouts...a total of 4 1/2 hours of tryouts over the weekend. I realize that some kids rise to this challenge and shine. They love it. My kids don't. At least not yet. I mean, David is only 10...WHO KNOWS what he'll really love, how he'll REALLY react in stressful situations when they arise? I'm quite sure I never had anybody watching and judging me when I was 10 (or 11 or 12 for that matter).
David surprised us tonight. We thought he'd be excited to 'show off' his new talents and confidence. He's grown tremendously. But, as the week progressed, I've seen some signs of stress....difficulty sleeping at night, mood swings. Today, when he needed to get ready for hockey, he said "Just forget it....maybe I won't play hockey this year." What? I was shocked! He has done nothing but sleep, eat and breathe hockey this year (his choice), asking to go to the rink early and stay late, etc. I saw his confidence fading today. By the time we left for the rink, his body language clearly spoke "I'm not good enough." My heart broke for him. Tryouts went badly. Mike said he couldn't believe it. It was as though the boy from years past came back tonight....slow, standing around, not engaged. We haven't seen any of that this year, but he is still in there. I see a lot in him that I understand and Mike doesn't. As a kid, Mike always wanted to challenge himself, and if he failed it only presented a new challenge! I didn't. I wanted to believe in my heart that I could do great things. I knew I could. But, I didn't want to have to prove it. If I failed, then my dream was gone, so I was happy to keep my dreams to myself. If I tried too hard and failed, then I would have to even admit to MYSELF that I wasn't good enough....so, best not to try too hard and keep believing in myself. By doing this, I knew that if I failed at something it was simply because I didn't really 'give it my all.' I see that in David and I want better things for him than that. He came home tonight and told us that he felt good about tryouts, and we told him we were proud that he did his best. But, he was "distracted and sad" (his words). He couldn't put into words WHY he was feeling this way, but I know it's all related to these stupid tryouts. I wonder what this whole process really does to/for them? Does it build them up? I believe it does for some....but, for others I'm sure it tears their confidence to shreds, and these little ones NEED confidence, they NEED to believe in themselves.

Ladies night out

Night out? Well, not exactly. It was a night'in'. Some of the women in our neighborhood have made an effort to connect, and we are doing this by meeting occasionally for a glass of wine. We really enjoy each others' company, but the unpredictability and cost of a 'bar' was something we didn't really love. So, we decided to meet here at my house (my idea). Unfortunately, I didn't plan well....Mike was out of town, and the kids had choir and hockey. We arrived AFTER our guests, but the kids were amazing.
During the night tonight, and especially at my haircut last week, I was told, "your kids are amazing! They listen, do what they are supposed to do even when you're not there to make sure it's done, etc...what's the secret?" The truth is...I don't know. I think we are all given what we can handle, and the Lord must believe that this is what I can handle. I nearly burst with pride over them.....especially on nights like tonight when the come in and do EXACTLY what they were supposed to do for the entire evening. I am truly blessed. I am also blessed to know such great women and to have such friends. I wonder what it was like, many years ago, when meetings like this were consider normal and expected. Mothers were all home during the day, and they all gathered and exchanged stories and ideas while their children played. Just think of all the great parenting advice, marriage advice and LIFE advice you'd get! Maybe that is, in part, why "the greatest generation" was the greatest generation!!! I don't know....but, I do sometimes wish we valued these connections more in our current culture. Right now, I'm just thankful for the moment.

Our first "typical" day

For 2 1/2 weeks, I've been living a very surreal life....a life of 'homeschool bliss.' It's been nice. Today, a little bit of reality set in. The reality is that we will most likely NOT spend every day at home, uninterrupted. There will be things that come up from time to time. Sometimes, those things will be school related, and sometimes they won't.
Last night was a pretty late night for all of us. Mike's parents were here and came to David's practice. We went out to a late dinner with them, and then Grandma came over while the boys went grocery shopping for their fishing trip this weekend. The kids were SO excited to see Grandma that I just didn't have the heart to make them go to bed. Needless to say, I turned off our "7:30 alarm", and let everybody sleep. I got up at about 9:00, about 10 or 15 minutes after the kids. It was so quiet in the house....I came out to the livingroom and found them both reading quietly.
.....again, the conflict....I have a friend who swears she NEVER interrupts her kids if they are reading. However, I really want to get on with our day. We have so many interruptions today! Still, it's good to see them wake up and grab a book first thing in the morning. So, I decide to just let them read. Besides, I'm getting a nasty cold, my throat is sore, and it would hurt too much to tell them to stop.
...20, 30, 40 minutes pass. They are getting hungry, and I'm getting cranky as I watch them. How can they continue to be so unaware of the events of the day? "By any chance," I ask "Has anybody brushed their teeth, gotten dressed, or made their bed this morning?" "what?" is the reply? They act as though they've never heard of such a thing. "Uh, you know....the SAME THING WE DO EVERY SINGLE MORNING?" By now I realize that, although Greta is reading something from our 'reading basked' for school, David is reading Star Wars....again. Honestly, I don't know if he really is even reading it anymore. He just loves it. So, I call him on that. By now, it's after 10:00...kids aren't ready for the day, a little whiny, a little bickering, and saying they "really don't want to go for a walk." Against my better judgment, I agree and by now I'm downright cranky...."CAN WE PLEASE GET ON WITH THE DAY!!!"
Unfortunately, we only have about 1 1/2 hours before we need to go. We have a lunch planned with our former youth leader, and piano lessons immediately after. We decide to do as much as they can before we go...handwriting, math drills, Spanish, typing instructor. And then they gather their piano stuff....."OH! MY THEORY ISN'T DONE!!" ugh.
Lunch at 12:30, piano at 1:30-2:30. Forgot book at the restaurant...back to get it. Ran another errand, car out of gas, need groceries, etc., etc....just regular life stuff. It's almost 5:00 by the time we get back to school. The neighbors stop by to play and are sent away. The kids get down to business. Their schedules have been designed to be 4 day weeks. Friday is set aside for gym/Academy/possible playdates or making up work not done during the week. They have been looking forward to their 'day off.' They take a brief break for a snack and a bath, then back to it. They bring the remainder of their work with them to church, since I have a meeting to attend at 7:00.
What did I learn? Well....WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING making my children do school (or related activities) from 9:00-9:00???? They had NO free time today. None. Not all because they were doing school, but because they had an interrupted day filled with other 'life stuff.' They never finished their schedules today. They'll have to do that tomorrow, and it's not their fault at all. I think this means that I'm asking a bit much in a typical day, but I haven't yet learned how to fix that. Everything we do seems really important! Oh well....I'll figure it out, I'm sure. Meanwhile, I'm amazed at how they hang in there with me through all my screw-ups. I'm truly blessed.

"The Talk"

Well, it happened....today was the day I've been dreading since my children were born. I had to tell them about sex today.
It didn't happen as I planned. Mike and I had talked about having HIM tell DAVID sometime soon. As it turned out, we were sitting at the table doing school today, and GRETA asked a question. Actually, it might have been more like a statement...something like "so-and-so is an adult, so she could have a baby anytime." David replied that you had to be MARRIED to have a baby. I allowed them to bicker for a short time before they turned to me and said, "Mom, when CAN you have a baby?" I answered the question honestly....that God's design for us is that we WOULD be married when we have a baby. However, we have free will, and can choose to have a baby anytime we want to, married or not. The word 'choose' seemed all wrong to them. HOW DO YOU get pregnant? I took a deep breath and started to explain, in small steps....and I have to admit....I seemed quite confident to them, I'm sure. The more they heard, the more questions they had. Finally, Greta had heard enough. She was mortified to think that this might really be happening around her....and that other people might know about it! She covered her ears and said, "Enough!!!" I said, "OK....but if you ever have questions about anything like this again, please ask me, OK?" At this point, David said, "I just have to say this to get it out of my mouth (like it was a toxin)....does a boy actually put his penis in a girl's vagina?" "Yes," I replied. "What? I thought that when somebody asked me about sex, they just wanted to know if I was a boy or a girl!!!" At this point, I actually did laugh out loud....but then explained the difference. Greta's last request?.....DON'T TELL DAD ABOUT THIS! I started to laugh...."Sweetie, Dad knows all about this! You can talk to him about this anytime....he knows everything that I know!" "Are you sure???" (then, a look of horror and realization comes across her face)...."Do you do this to HIM?" (How did he stay so innocent in all of this in her eyes?) After a little clarification, she said, "Still...don't tell Dad we had this talk. I DON'T want to talk to anybody else about this!!!"
And last.....as I'm tucking them in tonight....Greta (disgusted) states "mom....just don't go do sex tonight, OK?" (now THERE'S something I never said to MY mother!!)
Ugh....a loss of innocence that I can't get back. Still, I'm so glad they heard it from me (and so is Mike....he's thrilled that he got out of it!!). The dreaded day has come and gone....and I lived through it. I hope I didn't cause any permanent damage! I did the best I could.

A Day in the Life of homeschooling....when mom loosens up a bit!

I spent a lot of time over the summer planning the school year. One of the ideas I decided to adopt from other homeschoolers is the idea of a "4-day week." If I can fit all of my curriculum for the week into 4 days, it opens up Fridays for things like Academy and gym, and gives us time for field trips. In the past, if we went on a field trip, we needed to make up for it some time during the week, OR get behind. Unfortunately, I ALWAYS felt behind over the last couple of years, and it has been an awful feeling. However, we have not really been able to 'try it out', yet. Our first week, we had Friday off because we took a 3 day weekend for camping...and this week was the Labor Day Holiday. So, I have not yet had the opportunity to really enjoy the luxury of field trip days or 'almost no school' days.
Today was Friday. I had a full schedule for the kids. They asked if they could start with chemistry, which worked really well for me. Chemistry and Bible are the two subjects that require the most of "me" this week. (Next week it will be writing, history and Bible). So, I'm always happy when they want to start with those subjects. Our plan today was to start Chapter 3....'Chemical Reactions.'. I expected to spend about 20 minutes introducing the concept, reading the first half of the chapter, and being done. But, for some reason, the idea of "chemical reactions" was really exciting and interesting to both of them. They thought that if they could actually do the EXPERIMENTS, maybe they could blow stuff up! So, they didn't want to stop. They were genuinely interested and before I knew it, we had covered the whole chapter, had a lot of discussion about it, pretended to be molecules exchanging atoms with each other, etc. "Can we do the experiments?" they asked.
-----now, this is when the little voice in my head said, "excuse me....science is done now....you need to get on with your day.....there's math and grammar and Bible, etc., etc., etc..--------
Today, I ignored the voice. Thanks to PREPARING AHEAD OF TIME (thanks, Greta), I had all of the necessary supplies to move ahead and do the experiement, which consisted of mixing several household items, 2 at a time, to see what happens! Is there a chemical reaction? How do you know? Gas formed? Precipitate? Color change? THEY COULD NOT GET ENOUGH!!!! And so, they mixed. Once they got the hang of it, I left to take a shower. They were still mixing and recording their results when I came out. Eventually, they had to clean up because I had a doctor appointment (getting my back checked out).
Here's the cool part....later that evening, David passed on a playdate to continue on doing his experiments. He found all of the supplies that had been put away, and as he told me "I just want to see what happens. I didn't get to finish." (notice one of the pictures of him....it's dark outside). He just never got tired of it.
And, although I am not thrilled that we missed ALL of the other subjects today, I have heard and watched and seen many seasoned homeschool moms do the same. They told me that one day this would happen, and they told me NEVER to stop real learning when it is fueled by curiosity and passion. And, their children have a hunger for learning that I can only dream about seeing in my children. Today, I followed the lead of these wise women, and just .....let them be fascinated, let them ask (and answer) questions all day....let them learn.