David has always appeared to be a pretty confident kid. Actually, in most situations, he is. But, through the years we have found that he is most confident in situations that he is very familiar and comfortable with (as we all are), and sort of 'comes undone/disconnects' in situations where he is not so sure he will succeed. Tonight was the beginning of hockey tryouts. We have been sort of looking forward to tryouts because David has blossomed so much this year....it's been amazing. He no longer goes out on the ice and 'stands around' while another kid makes a great play. This year, it's HIM grabbing the puck and speeding down the ice for a goal. His confidence has soared, and it's just what he needed. As a parent who always KNEW he could do it, it's made my heart swell to watch him start believing in himself.
Tryouts.....very controversial....at least to me. Honestly, I guess if I'm the only one who is struggling with it, maybe it wouldn't be considered controversial at all! I just think that having the pressure of tryouts at the age of 10 is completely insane......oh, by the way...this is his THIRD year of tryouts...he started when he was 8. (Greta will be trying out for the first time this year, and she is 8). These coaches have worked with these kids for 6 weeks...they know where their skills lie, and yet...they make them suffer through tryouts...a total of 4 1/2 hours of tryouts over the weekend. I realize that some kids rise to this challenge and shine. They love it. My kids don't. At least not yet. I mean, David is only 10...WHO KNOWS what he'll really love, how he'll REALLY react in stressful situations when they arise? I'm quite sure I never had anybody watching and judging me when I was 10 (or 11 or 12 for that matter).
David surprised us tonight. We thought he'd be excited to 'show off' his new talents and confidence. He's grown tremendously. But, as the week progressed, I've seen some signs of stress....difficulty sleeping at night, mood swings. Today, when he needed to get ready for hockey, he said "Just forget it....maybe I won't play hockey this year." What? I was shocked! He has done nothing but sleep, eat and breathe hockey this year (his choice), asking to go to the rink early and stay late, etc. I saw his confidence fading today. By the time we left for the rink, his body language clearly spoke "I'm not good enough." My heart broke for him. Tryouts went badly. Mike said he couldn't believe it. It was as though the boy from years past came back tonight....slow, standing around, not engaged. We haven't seen any of that this year, but he is still in there. I see a lot in him that I understand and Mike doesn't. As a kid, Mike always wanted to challenge himself, and if he failed it only presented a new challenge! I didn't. I wanted to believe in my heart that I could do great things. I knew I could. But, I didn't want to have to prove it. If I failed, then my dream was gone, so I was happy to keep my dreams to myself. If I tried too hard and failed, then I would have to even admit to MYSELF that I wasn't good enough....so, best not to try too hard and keep believing in myself. By doing this, I knew that if I failed at something it was simply because I didn't really 'give it my all.' I see that in David and I want better things for him than that. He came home tonight and told us that he felt good about tryouts, and we told him we were proud that he did his best. But, he was "distracted and sad" (his words). He couldn't put into words WHY he was feeling this way, but I know it's all related to these stupid tryouts. I wonder what this whole process really does to/for them? Does it build them up? I believe it does for some....but, for others I'm sure it tears their confidence to shreds, and these little ones NEED confidence, they NEED to believe in themselves.
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